


The Hottest Girl

by Qrowin_Shitposts



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qrowin_Shitposts/pseuds/Qrowin_Shitposts
Summary: Reiner asks everyone who they think the hottest girl in the cadets is. He won't let Connie forget his answer.





	1. The Devil's Survey

**Author's Note:**

> There's some jokes involving Eren and Shadis you won't get if you didn't read the manga. If you don't get them, understand that the characters are misunderstanding what's happening. I am not shipping Eren and Shadis in the slightest.

“So who’s the hottest girl in the cadets?”

The question out of Reiner’s mouth was one of no true substance. It was meaningless and trivial. It was also one of the most nerve racking questions a young, pubescent man in the cadets could answer, especially when surrounded by their peers within the walls of the boys quarters. But the very presence of their peers made them even more terrified of “pussying out”, and the intrigue of hearing the answers of others outweighed their hesitation. And so, against their better judgement and the will of all benevolent deities, no one objected to Reiner’s question.

“Well, I think Mikasa-“

“Yeah, yeah, we know, Jean,” Reiner interrupted. “That was as obvious as me saying Krista is the hottest. Which she is. But what about someone who we don’t already know the answer of? Like…… Bertholdt?”

And thus, into the unknown they traveled. Like a school of piranhas searching for blood in the water, all of them were waiting for the slightest sign of potential embarrassment for them to poke and prod at. For if they could single out an individual for ridicule, the rest could escape it themselves.

Bertholdt’s face filled with sweat and he began shaking, but he was conscious enough to give a safe half-truth. “W-well, I think Annie and Krista are both really cute, you know?”

“Wow, look’s like Bertholdt’s got a thing for blondes.”

“Nah, I think he’s just cocky about how tall he is and likes to feel special.”

They all laughed, Bertholdt even let out a few nervous chuckles. He managed to avoid the worst of it. The next target wouldn’t be so lucky.

“H-how about you, Connie?” Bertholdt asked, turning to his left.

Connie was tired. He wasn’t fully aware of the mind games being played. This made him vulnerable. With neither the energy nor the brain power to come up with a decent strategy, he simply tried to avoid the question 

“Unlike you guys, I don’t spend all my time ogling the girls.”

“That is a lie and you know it, Connie,” Jean retorted.

“Come on”, Reiner prodded. “You’ve got to at least have an opinion.”

“I dunno,” Connie said, not considering what he was about to say. “Sasha, I guess.” There it was. Blood in the water. Everyone began to soak in what just happened. Even Connie started to realize the ramifications and attempted to explain himself. “I mean, she’s got a good face. One of the better ones. And, uh, hair.”

“Connie has a crush~,” sang a cadet.

“I do not! Just because I acknowledge that someone’s good-looking doesn’t mean I’m in love with her. Like, just because Reiner thinks Krista’s hot doesn’t mean he’s in love with her.”

“I am in love with her.”

“God damnit, Reiner.

“Oh, come on Connie,” Jean began to tease. “Sasha? really? Of all the girls in the cadets, Potato girl is your pick for number one? I mean, she’s not ugly, but she’s nothing to write home about.”

“What are you talking about, of course Sasha’s pretty!” Connie retorted, unknowingly digging his own grave. 

“Awwwwwwwww,” several cadets sighed in unison.

“Look, I’m only defending her cause she’s my friend and I don’t like seeing you guys bad mouth her,” Connie said as he dug his grave further.

“Well, the two of them DO spend a lot of time together. They always seem really happy when they’re together, too.” Bertholdt added.

“Oh my god, guys, Connie’s in love.” Jean smirked

“Am not!”

“Hey, come on guys, cut him some slack,” Eren interjected. “What he’s saying is perfectly reasonable. A guy and a girl can be close while still being just friends. I mean, Mikasa and I-“

“Oh my god, Eren, I say this with love, but go fuck yourself,” Reiner interrupted. 

“Well, Eren has a point.” Armin explained. “Me and Mikasa are just friends, and I acknowledge that she’s quite pretty, but it’s not like there’s any attraction between us.” Everyone in the room sighed and muttered in reluctant agreement. Eren was very confused and slightly offended at the contradictory treatment.

“What about you Eren?” Armin asked.

“I dunno, are we just talking about which girl has the prettiest face or something?”

“Nah, it’s more than just the face. It’s you know, their body too,” Jean explained. “Come one, there’s gotta be at least one girl in here you wanna bang.”

“Well, I have been meaning to spar with Mikasa. She’s been getting really strong lately.”

“No, Eren, I’m not talking about that. You want to do other things with her, right?”

“Like what?”

“Oh come on, Eren. You’re telling me you never jacked off while thinking about plowing Mikasa?

“TMI, Jean”, Connie complained.

“I have literally no idea what you’re talking about,” Eren told them. There was a pause. Everyone exchanged looks, wondering what they should say next. What they COULD say next.

“Eren,” Connie started. “You do know what sex is, right?”

“What, so I can’t spar with Mikasa cause she’s a girl?”

“No, not gender. Sex.”

“What’s the difference?” Everyone was silent, trying their best to hold in their laughter. They were ready to ridicule, but ridiculing Eren for this seemed a little-

“OH MY GOD EREN DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SEX IS!” Connie burst out laughing. Everyone else, now comfortable in making fun of Eren now that one person started to, lost themselves in hysterics. They laughed for a minute straight, all the while Armin was wondering if he should pull Eren aside to explain it to him. Before he could decide, the doors burst open, and Shadis walked in. The laughter died down in seconds.

“I-instructor!” Reiner stood up and went into attention. Everyone else sloppily and nervously followed suit.

“Just what are all of you making all of this noise over? It’s way too late and you’re supposed to be in bed.”

“We were just talking sir. I’ll take full respons-“ Reiner didn’t have time to finish talking before Shadis responded.

“And what topic was so pressing that you had to stay up late to discuss it?” It was then that Eren, in what would go down as his least self-aware moment in history, answered.

“We were discussing which girls we thought were the most attractive.”

There was a long pause. Shadis Stared at Eren for a long, long time saying nothing, and Eren continued to feel increasingly uncomfortable. Shadis’s expression changed from a serious poker face to nostalgia, to sadness, to anger, and then back to sadness. Tears began to well up in his eyes, and he made his exit. People could hear him bawling down the hall way.

Nobody really knew what to make of the situation. So many questions about what just happened, so many jokes left to make about Eren not knowing about sex. So much sleep to go to. What finally broke the silence was Reiner. “Just so we’re clear, Connie, the fact that Eren doesn’t know about sex, while hilarious, doesn’t change the fact that you’re in love with Sasha.”

“I’m not.”

“Sure you aren’t.”

“God fucking damnit, Reiner.”


	2. Bread in my Pants

Connie is not bright, and he makes many mistakes. The day after they talked about who the hottest girl in camp was, he made even more than usual. That afternoon they were doing maintenance on wall cannons in pairs.

“Heeeeeeeey, Connie!” Sasha ran up to him. “Let’s be partners for maintenance today.”

“Sure thing, Sasha. Just let me finish getting the rocks out of my boots. There’s one lodged somewhere and it’s not coming out.”

“Alright, see you there.” Sasha jogged over to the cannon as Connie grappled with his boot, growing increasingly violent with it. Reiner watched the whole scene play out, but it wasn’t until then that he noticed the bulge in Connie’s pants.

“You keeping a snack in there, or were you just happy to see her?”

Connie looked up at him, very much annoyed. Rather than explaining using words, he simply reached his hands into his pants and pulled out a piece of bread, displaying it to Reiner before putting it back.

“Is that for Sasha?” He asked. Connie said nothing in response. “Awwwwwwwwwww.”

“Look she gets hungry, okay?” Connie explained, beginning to blush.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.”

“Shut the fuck up, Reiner.”

“But why is it in your pants?” He asked, amused and genuinely curious.

“Shadis can’t search my pants for food on the grounds of me looking like I have a boner, he’d probably lose his job. He just looks at it angrily and keeps walking. He might have a complex about his size.” Connie trailed off into thought, forgetting the fact he was being teased.

“And Sasha still eats it?” Reiner asked, leaning in.

“…Well, yeah. She’s Sasha.”

Reiner wiggled his eyebrows. Connie’s blush grew a shade deeper.

“Shut the fuck up, Reiner, you’re seriously grossing me out.”

“How do you think I feel seeing the two of you, well, you know-“

“God damnit, Reiner.”

\------------------------------------------------

Sasha let out an inhuman groaning noise as her face flopped onto the surface of the wall she was on. “I can’t believe we need to do that 5 more times before this thing is cleaned.” Sasha’s voice was muffled by the floor. “That took ten minutes! And then we still need to grease the wheels and… UUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.” 

“Why the hell are you complaining? I’m the one who did that repetition! Stop acting tired, you’re doing the next one,” Connie demanded

“Yeah, I know I am. That’s why I’m moping on the floor,” Sasha moaned. She picked herself up and reluctantly started to go through the process of cleaning the cannon. “Well, I guess it’s not too much more unbearable than sitting around doing nothing. Main difference is that you can’t doze off. Hey, Connie, entertain me.”

“Entertain you?”

“Yeah, just talk about something while I do this. Make it bearable.”

“All right, how about this.” Connie looked around to make sure Shadis was nowhere nearby. “Do you think that Shadis has a thing for Eren? Like, sexually?” Sasha stopped working for a second as she turned to face Connie. After a pause, she laughed a bit inside her mouth before going back to the work with noticeably improved energy.

“And what makes you wonder that?”

“Well, he’s always staring at my bread, for one thing.”

“I thought we were chalking that down to jealousy,” Sasha began to blush a light shade of red as she laughed a bit. “Besides, wouldn’t that mean he’s got it for you?”

“Yeah, well, something happened last night. The guys were having a discussion about who the hottest girl in the cadets were. And-“

“Who’d you say was the hottest?”

“Not important,” Connie began to blush a bit, but Sasha was looking at the cannon. “Anyways, so right when we figured out that Eren didn’t know what sex was-oh right, that’s a thing-Shadis walks in and-“

“Wait just a second,” Sasha interrupted him, her smile growing bigger. “Are you saying that what Shadis is about to do is funnier than the fact that Eren doesn’t know what sex is?”

“It’s definitely more interesting.”

“Go on.”

“So, Shadis walks in and asks what we were talking about,” Sasha’s infectious smile had passed to Connie, and he started to get really into telling the story. “And then the person who responded to him was Eren. And he straight up told Shadis that they were discussing who the hottest girl in the cadets was.” Sasha was giggling and snorting at this point, barely even cleaning the cannon. “Shadis didn’t say anything. He just stared Eren dead in the eye for half a minute before running into the hallway and balling his eyes out.”

“OH MY GOD SHADIS IS IN LOVE WITH EREN.” Sasha blurted out in a barely hushed yell, trying with minor success to make her laughing quiet. She was on the ground at this point, completely forsaking her cleaning duties. “THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE I CAN’T BELIEVE IT."

Connie began laughing out loud too. “I know, right?”

“You know, I gotta agree with Shadis on this one. Eren is DEFINITELY the hottest girl in the cadets.”

“How could you not? The smile he has on his face when he dreams of killing ALL THE TITANS is just so enchanting.” Now they were both on the floor, trying to stifle the worst of their laughter. The cannon was not getting cleaned.

“Hey, you know what we should do?” Connie asked.

“What?”

Rather than respond, he took one of the tools for cannon repair and started carving in the side of the cannon. Sasha looked over his shoulder as he worked, and the two of them silently lost their shit as Connie crafted his magnum opus. When he was done, “Jaeger x Shadis 4Ever” was permanently etched into the side of the cannon, with a heart around it for good measure.

“I don’t think that’s how they used that tool in the demonstration,” Shadis informed them over their shoulders. They both let out a yelp as they turned to see him, knowing they were royally fucked. “And just what were the two of you making there?”

“Nothing sir!” Sasha insisted unconvincingly.

“Out of my way, Braus!” Shadis pushed her to the side. When he saw what was written there, he went silent. He stared for half a minute before getting up and yelling at them through teary eyes.

“BOTH OF YOU! 10 LAPS AROUND THE DISTRICT! YOU BETTER FINISH BEFORE SUPPER TIME, OR NO FOOD!”

And with that, Shadis walked away, wiping the tears from his cheeks, and Connie and Sasha began their punishment, tears in their eyes as well. But still, they couldn’t help but laugh.


	3. The Truth

“I’m coming back in 30 minutes, and I expect written apologies from both of you. I haven’t decided what the punishment will be if you don’t, but I’m gonna spend the next half hour thinking it up. And I am NOT in a good mood.” With that, Shadis slammed the door shut on Connie and Sasha. 

The two of them began writing down their usual apology letter. Start with an admission of guilt, continue with a cynical description of what they did, a list of thoughts going through their heads as they received punishment, and conclude with a vague and meaningless plan of how they would definitely change their behavior going forward.

But for some reason, Connie didn’t want to write that last part. At this point Shadis knew it was horseshit, so what was the point of lying? He turned around in his chair to look behind him at Sasha, who had only written a few sentences. She was staring out the window at the rain that was pelting the camp. He stared at her for a while. She noticed him watching but didn’t seem to mind.

“Hey, Sasha? I was thinking about leaving the last part out. I don’t really feel like lying.”

“You saying the rest of it’s not a lie?” Sasha asked absent-mindedly. She wasn’t incredulous or sarcastic, but the question didn’t sound genuinely curious either. Connie gave it some thought.

“I guess not.”

“Mm.” Sasha looked down at what she had written for a while before looking up at Connie and then quickly turning back to the window. 

There was a pause, and then she spoke again. “So Eren doesn’t know what sex is?”

“Yup. When he hears it, he thinks people mean gender. I saw Armin explain it to him this morning. I didn’t hear the conversation, but he hasn’t been able to look anyone in the eye all day.” Sasha laughed a hearty laugh at this. Her face blossomed into a large smile.

“You guys were talking about who the hottest girl was, right? What’s the consensus?”

“It didn’t go on for very long. Krista was the only one with two votes, so I guess she won. Well, Armin did say Mikasa was pretty, so maybe they’re tied? I dunno.”

“Did I get a vote?”

“Yeah, I threw a vote your way,” Connie said, blushing a bit and scratching your head. “Apparently everyone thinks it means I’m in love with you for some reason. Reiner won’t shut up about it. It’s been a bit of a pain.”

“Are you?”

“Huh?”

“Are you in love with me?” Sasha was still staring out the window.

“No. You’re my best friend. You just happen to be pretty."

“Yeah,” Sasha said, letting out a laugh. “I am.”

“Don’t get cocky. Apparently I’ve got an unpopular opinion.” Connie turned around and looked down at his paper. He heard Sasha scribbling behind him. When she stopped writing, he turned around to look at her again. She was still staring down at her paper. Sometimes, she would look up at him for a bit and then look back down at her paper. Sometimes she would put her pen up to the paper as if preparing to write something, but she’d always stop before writing anything.

Shadis burst through the door. “Alright, Maggots, you better have written me some god damn POETRY.” Connie stood at attention. Sasha began scribbling something on her paper as he walked towards Connie.

“Yes Sir! Sorry Sir! I’m almost done, Sir!” Sasha panted as she tried to finish her letter. She continued to sputter apologies as Shadis looked over Connie’s letter.

“I don’t see any plans on fixing your behavior in here, cadet.”

“I figured you’d appreciate it if I was more honest, sir,” Connie half-yelled, sweating bullets. Shadis glared daggers at him for a few seconds before sighing. 

“I hope for your sake that you’ve written something better than your partner in crime, Braus.” He grabbed her letter and she let out a little yelp. Shadis looked it over. He stared at it for a minute. With a sigh, he put it into Sasha’s breast pocket. “You two are free to go. I better not find you vandalizing any more public property.”

Sasha stood there for a second, dumbfounded. “Y-yes sir.”

And the two of them headed back to their rooms.


	4. Tightening Screws

“So Sasha,” Connie asked. “Any idea why Shadis trusts us to do this?” 

The two of them were, as Reiner would joke about the next day, tightening screws. More specifically, they were doing disciplinary maintenance on the ODM gear.

“We goof around, but we’re not idiots. We know that messing with ODM gear could get someone killed.”

“So he’s betting on whether or not he knows when our basic human decency will kick in?”

“Yup. He can read us like a book.”

Connie put down the gear he just finished with an audible thud. Sighing, he looked to the side at Sasha’s work. He was exhausted. They’d done a full day of training, and then spent the last 3 hours on this. What bothered him wasn’t how tired he was, it was that number. 3 hours, had it really been that long? Usually Sasha had her head on the table making indiscernible noises after 1, and that was usually Connie’s cue to bail, too. But she just kept working on them as if nothing was wrong.

Sasha turned to see Connie staring, and she must’ve noticed how long she’d been working too, because she put her work down. 

“Soooooooo,” Sasha began. “Any good jokes about our whirlwind romance among the boys?”

“Nah, just the usual. Actually I think it’s dying down a bit.”

“Oh, well the girls heard about the rumor recently, so they’re just getting started.” Sasha put her hand to her head as if she had a headache. “Mina made a joke about how I like you because your head looks like a potato.”

“Jesus, when are people going to forget that?” Connie said, annoyed. That potato incident was 2 years ago and people never let it go.

“Well, one of their jokes was pretty clever. It was something about eating and, ummmm…” Sasha began to blush. “Well, it was better when Ymir said it.”

“What, that if you got hungry, you could always eat my dick?”

“…Yeah…” Sasha said, blushing harder. Connie began to blush in response. “How’d you know?”

“I think she got that one from Jean. Fucking Jean, man.”

They both grew quiet, out of things to say about the topic. Connie scoured his head for a way to salvage the conversation.

“We should totally do something to fuck with Jean,” Connie said, beginning to grin.

“How so?”

“Well, we aren’t allowed to mess with the ODM gear, but where’s the harm in playing with the containers?”

“I like where this is going.”

“One of these has to be Jean’s, right? But I can’t tell which one. They have ID numbers, but no names. We should do something about that. Do something to help out around here.”

Connie took one of the sharper tools and went to the nearest case, carving in the name ‘Sir Jean, the Mighty Stallion’. Sasha watched him, unable to contain her giggling. 

“Let me do one!” she motioned for him to hand her the tool. She picked out two cases and carved the names ‘Krista’s main bitch’ and ‘Krista’s side bitch’ onto them for Reiner and Ymir to fight over.

She handed them over to Connie, who carved in the name “Cummandant Shartis”. They stayed at this for another thirty minutes before Sasha decided to stop.

“Shartis,” she began, still giggling at the name “will probably be less mad at us for this if we finish our punishment. Come on, let’s finish up, we only have a bit left.

Connie had no idea why Sasha was being so responsible all of a sudden. It wasn’t as if she seemed scared or nervous. What she was was several times more driven than Connie had ever seen her, and she was trying really hard not to show it.


	5. Seduce Me

In addition to practical exams, trainees have to do written exams. These are mass produced using a printing press. Connie and Sasha discovered this 5 months ago, and they had been dreaming of the day they’d use it. That day was during their final examinations

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Armin, ever the exemplary student, handed out the final written exams in his instructor’s places. Shadis had to go out because one of his aides had informed him that Sasha and Connie had locked themselves in the pantry and began gorging instead of going to the exam. The written exam had nothing to do with admittance into the Military Police, but its score is something future superiors have access to. Sure, even then no one really pays attention to it outside a few garrison commanders, but it would behoove them to at least have the decency to not pull something like this. They shouldn’t act unprofessional. Then again, they WERE planning on joining the military police.

Done with passing out the exams, he told the aide they were ready, who then informed everyone they could start. The first 2 pages of the test were pretty standard: just some multiple choice about military law and proper ODM gear maintenance procedure. But it was on the third page that he found himself stumped. Yes, Armin, the smartest member of the cadets, was at a loss for how to answer a problem. Not because of a lack of knowledge, but more out of sheer confusion.

7\. How many hairs are on Keith Shadis’s head?

A) 0  
B) 3  
C) 100  
D) 485  
E) “It’s Commandant to you, you miserable excuse for a living organism”

After a few seconds, Armin figured someone had probably screwed with the exams. Probably Sasha and Connie. Those two would mess around some times, but this might be the worst they’ve done. He was both impressed and vicariously ashamed. 

“Excuse me, sir-“ Armin called out to the aide.

“Can it wait till Shadis gets back?” the aide asked, looking up from his newspaper.

“I mean, I guess it can, but-“

“Then we wait till Shadis gets back.”

Armin wasn’t going to be able to fix this situation, so he just sat down and sighed. He figured he might as well see what was on the other pages. He heard people begin to giggle harder and harder around him, so he figured it was something ridiculous.

The rest of page 3 was normal, but page 4 lost all pretense of being a real test. It was an open response question with a whole page to write down your answer.

10\. You are talking to Jeanny-boy’s mother, but he is in the next room over, convinced you can’t hear him masturbating. You don’t want her to realize her son jacks off to the thought of Mikasa punching him in the face, so you are trying to keep her from discovering the truth. He started recently, so you need to spend the next 1 and a half minutes convincing her that those sounds are just him doing his homework. What do you tell her?

Pages 5-6 were more multiple choice questions. 

11\. Are you gay?

A) Kinda gay  
B) Decently gay  
C) Mostly gay  
D) Every fiber of my body is gay

12\. Whose farts stink more?

A) Connie’s  
B) Sasha’s  
C) Mine

13\. What color underwear is Sasha wearing right now?

A) Red  
B) Black  
C) White  
D) None

14\. Annie and Mikasa are about to engage in combat. Eren hears about this, and runs out to go watch, but he has no shirt on. He is 50 meters away from the site of the fight. Who wins?

A) Annie, because Mikasa will be distracted by Eren’s vaguely incestuous hot bod when he runs out.  
B) Mikasa, because Eren’s vaguely incestuous hot bod motivates her to show off and impress him.  
C) Mikasa, because Eren will not make it to the fight before she cracks Annie’s head between her monstrous thighs.  
D) Annie, because Mikasa gets distracted when Jean uses this situation to try and feel her ass without her noticing.  
E) Neither, they start making out.

15\. Eren discovers his dad is secretly a Titan. How does he cope?

A) He kills himself.  
B) He kills Mikasa and then himself.  
C) He kills Mikasa and Armin and then himself.  
D) He goes crazy and kills everyone in the cadets and then himself.  
E) He joins the scouts and gets eaten by a titan.

16\. Who in the cadets is the most likely to die by the age of 23?

A) Eren due to the stress of not being able to kill the titans.  
B) Bertholdt, due to dehydration.  
C) Reiner, due to an unfortunate accident Ymir had nothing to do with.  
D) Ymir, due to an unfortunate accident the entire 104th cadet corps had nothing to due with.  
E) Annie, from inhaling lethal amounts of smoke through her nose during a fire.

“WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” Armin heard Jean yell. He must’ve gotten to page 4. “EVERYONE STOP TAKING THE TEST IMMEDIATELY!” he yelled, getting up as loudly as humanly possible.

“Quiet,” the aide commanded, not looking up from his book.

“But-“

“QUIET!”

Jean angrily sat back down and began grumbling to himself.

Pages 7-8 were dedicated to a single open response question. It simply said “Seduce me” and was worth 80% of the grade.

Page 9 only had 1 question on it, and it was Multiple Choice.

18\. Who is the hottest girl in the 104th cadet corps?

A) Annie  
B) Krista  
C) Mikasa  
D) Sasha  
E) Eren

\---------------------------------------

They ended up shoving the schedule for final exams back a day. Sasha and Connie got an automatic 0 on their written exams, and on the day everyone else was taking the real exam, they were being forced to grade all the fake ones. But neither of them minded. They never cared about their score anyways, and in all honesty, grading those tests was kind of fun. Of course that’s not the only punishment they had. They were also forced to do extra, compulsory drills for their ODM gear practical exams while everyone was resting. They did them all day; they must’ve gone through 20 tanks combined by the end of it.

And all that extra training really helped them qualify for the Military Police. Not that they ended up going.


	6. After Trost

Connie stood there, in the kitchen, his hand quivering over the basket of bread. But he just couldn’t bring himself to be hungry. Whenever he thought of food, his mind went back to the titans that almost ate him in Trost. He saw those titans eating him. He saw them eating his mom and dad, Sasha and Reiner. The entire idea of consuming something else was ruined for him. It just made him want to throw up. 

He sat down on the ground next to Sasha, who also couldn’t eat, and pulled his knees into his chest like she had. They had snuck into the kitchen to find something eat like they had always done. Maybe they wanted to believe things could just go back to normal, but unfortunately the world is crueler than that. 

They sat there for half an hour before Shadis found them in there. He walked up to them without his usual stern anger. “You two stealing food again?”

“That was the idea.” Connie grumbled in response.

“Just like old times?”

“That was the idea.”

Shadis looked up at the ceiling for a while, contemplating what to say to them next. “The two of you joined the scouts?” He asked, still looking up.

“Yeah.” Connie answered, looking down at the floor.

“You two aren’t fit for the scouts. You should’ve just joined the Military Police like you planned. Idiots like you would never survive long enough in the scouts to get anything done. You should save them the trouble of having to deal with your tomfoolery. You’d just end up dragging them down.”

In spite of the harshness of his words, there was an unmistakable tenderness to his tone. Regardless, they still hit Connie hard, causing him to tighten his grip around his legs until his hands were shaking and his legs were in pain from the pressure. He loosened his grip when Shadis threw something onto his lap. Connie picked it up to inspect it. It was bread from the basket. He looked up at Shadis, who had just given each of them some of the bread they were going to steal. He was staring at them with a poker face on, but tears were beginning to well up in his eyes.

“Come on, the Military Police was always your dream. You were allowed to survive for a reason. Don’t throw your lives away out of some survival-guilt-induced hero complex.” Both of them looked back down at the ground. Shadis couldn’t think of anything else to say, so he sighed and walked out of the room. “You two should eat,” he called out to them as he walked out. They didn’t eat.

Once Shadis’s footsteps could no longer be heard, Sasha began to sob. “I don’t want to die,” she whined, snot dripping out of her nose. She curled up even tighter, shivering, and continued to weep. Connie began to tear up watching her. He couldn’t get the image of the two of them getting eaten out of his head. 

He went to wipe away his tears with his sleeve. “Then why the hell are you joining the scouts?” He asked. 

Sasha’s sobbing stopped, but tears continued to exit her eyes, and her breathing stayed heavy. She thought about how to answer that question for a long, long minute.

“Well, when the titans were first coming into Trost, and I had to fight them, I was cursing my luck for being there on the day the titans broke in. But after I survived, I got to thinking. When Wall Maria broke down, the grim reaper wasn’t wielding a scythe. He was using a shotgun. And, it was only a matter of time before Wall Rose broke down. If anything, I was lucky they didn’t make it past Trost. I would’ve probably been sent out to get eaten as population control if they did. Then I would’ve been dead for sure. I was still put into danger, but I survived didn’t I? I survived thanks to luck, and my own strength, of course, but it was more than that. It wasn’t just that I was strong. It was that everyone who fought by my side was strong. My father once told me that humans were pack animals. I think I get what he means now. It’s thanks to them that I’m alive. Even if wanted to live for myself, I don’t have the right. I’m living on borrowed time, Connie. And a lot of that time was borrowed from people who died fighting beside me. All I can bring myself to do with it is dedicate that time to humanity, like I swore I would when I joined this pack. This pack of people who saved my life.” Sasha looked down at the bread in her lap. “And here I am, trying to take food away from that pack. I need to grow up.” Sasha turned back towards Connie. “But that’s just the way I see it. I don’t have the right to guilt you into living your life for other people, Connie. Just do what-“

“No, I’m definitely joining the scouts,” Connie told her, staring at her crying face, tears rolling down his face. “I can’t really say I’m doing it for humanity or anything, though. I just don’t want people I care about to get eaten.” 

Sasha tried to force a smile to make him feel better. “That’s not any different, Connie. Your family is your pack, right? You’re just showing gratitude to the life they gave to you and helped nurture.”

“You’re wrong, Sasha!” Connie half yelled. “I’m just… I’m just so scared. I keep thinking about everyone I care about being eaten. The thought of my mom getting eaten scares me almost as much as getting eaten myself. Same with my dad, with my brother and sister, and so many others. Add it all up and I don’t have a choice. I’m too terrified of running away, Sasha. I’m a goddamn coward.”

“No you’re not, Connie. You’re just… too kind.”

“I am a coward. And you are, too, Sasha. You get terrified by the smallest thing. I’m not going to tell you to stop being selfless or anything, but don’t start talking all high and mighty of how your life isn’t your own anymore. Don’t throw away your old life just because it makes guilt easier!” Connie grabbed his bread and tried to stuff it into Sasha’s mouth. She pulled back. He reached his arm around her shoulders for balance and leaned over her lap for a better angle. He continued to force the bread in. “You love food, you love jokes, you love doing stupid, selfish pranks for your own amusement. Throw your life away for humanity, whatever, I can’t stop you from caring about everyone. I don’t want to, either. But god damnit, I’m not going to let you give up on being happy!” 

Sasha stopped resisting. She let Connie put the bread in her mouth and began eating it as he continued to hold it. Neither said a word, but both of them began to calm down and stop crying. She finished and licked her lips. Connie stopped hovering over her, but he kept his arm around her. Sasha pivoted to face him.

“Thanks, Connie. You need to eat, too. Here, take mine-“ she brought her bread up to give to Connie, but he grabbed her hand to stop her. 

“Come on Sasha, you eat way more than me. You’re the one who needs this piece. I’ll grab some on the way out.” He grabbed the bread out of her hand and fed it to her. She leaned into him a bit. Connie began to blush a bit, but he held her tight. 

He wasn’t letting her go.


End file.
